Tuesday 31 August 2010

QLTT

Hmm is it frowned upon in blawging society to post twice in the same day? Well it should be. I thought that I would attempt to be topical in a post moderny sense.

I applied last week for the QLTT eligibility thing. I very much regret that decision. DO I really want to be a scumbag solicitor? I hate every solicitor that I have ever spoken to. Most are completely incompetent (ooh I hope that my identity never gets revealed). I am sure that most barristers privately share my views. The only reason that I did it was that it would be nice to have a title incase I don't make it as a barrister. Then I can be better positioned to apply for other jobs (i'm not sure what) because it is a title innit. However, a thought struck me today. I do have a title. Barrister. Hellooooo. I am sure it will be confusing to employers. Yes I believe we can call ourselves barristers on cv's for non legal jobs.

So I am thinking about cancelling my application. Has anybody else sent in their application? £400? plus £100 to renew my membership to the Bar Council. I am starting to think that this pursuit of a legal career is a massive pyramid scheme. Hidden charges att every corner (I know it was not exactly hidden, but I didn't think that the SRA would make this change so soon).

Non specific downer

Oh hello job seekers,

what the funk do you mean "where have I been"? where the fuck you been muthafucker?

I feel dejected. We all have bad days right? However, for me, when things start to go well in my life...that is when I get the uncontrollable urge...to sef destruct. I have been going through this process for a long time, since my first year at university. I can't think why.

I'm not sure what I am doing anymore. I haven't been thinking about pupillage... at all. I'm not up for the interview thing. I don't really feel that I can relate to people enough to sit there with them for an hour and talk about myself. I not only hate talking about myself (although I note that I am blogging, but hey I'm trying something "crazy") but feel so disconnected recently. I have recently returned from the Fringe festival, and a comedian famously stated " I find it very hard to relate to people...it's not exactly autism...more like contempt."

I took the court job, and so am getting a full salary- which has eased the tension somewhat. However, I am doing the prison law on the side. The solicitors that I am working for are quite funny, in that the partner refuses to speak to me. I spoke ot one of his new secretaries recently. I asked to speak to him and I heard her say "he wants to speak to you" after which I heard a muffled "nooooooo tell him i'm not here". She told me that she would try his line, but alas he "wasn't in". I found this hilarious, but when she asked if I wanted to leave a message I just said "No, that is ok" in a very sad voice that indicated to her that I knew what was going on here. oooh yeah.

In brief- I absolutely love the prison law job, but the secretaries are not giving me my letters on time. I have clients interests that I am not looking after properly because the partner is not returning my calls or fulfilling the supervisory element. If I could force myself to get a good night's sleep, I might be motivated to get organised.

My court job sucks. I am not disciplined enough to go to sleep early, and so am normally lacking 3 hours sleep and just go about my day trying to look normal. I feel a deep emptiness inside that I try to fill with food and drugs. I realised that I have no real friends. Life is lonely, and feels pointless.

Am I a manic depressive? Anyway, I sure hope that I win a trophy for the "New Blogger of the Year" award.