Oh hello job seekers,
what the funk do you mean "where have I been"? where the fuck you been muthafucker?
I feel dejected. We all have bad days right? However, for me, when things start to go well in my life...that is when I get the uncontrollable urge...to sef destruct. I have been going through this process for a long time, since my first year at university. I can't think why.
I'm not sure what I am doing anymore. I haven't been thinking about pupillage... at all. I'm not up for the interview thing. I don't really feel that I can relate to people enough to sit there with them for an hour and talk about myself. I not only hate talking about myself (although I note that I am blogging, but hey I'm trying something "crazy") but feel so disconnected recently. I have recently returned from the Fringe festival, and a comedian famously stated " I find it very hard to relate to people...it's not exactly autism...more like contempt."
I took the court job, and so am getting a full salary- which has eased the tension somewhat. However, I am doing the prison law on the side. The solicitors that I am working for are quite funny, in that the partner refuses to speak to me. I spoke ot one of his new secretaries recently. I asked to speak to him and I heard her say "he wants to speak to you" after which I heard a muffled "nooooooo tell him i'm not here". She told me that she would try his line, but alas he "wasn't in". I found this hilarious, but when she asked if I wanted to leave a message I just said "No, that is ok" in a very sad voice that indicated to her that I knew what was going on here. oooh yeah.
In brief- I absolutely love the prison law job, but the secretaries are not giving me my letters on time. I have clients interests that I am not looking after properly because the partner is not returning my calls or fulfilling the supervisory element. If I could force myself to get a good night's sleep, I might be motivated to get organised.
My court job sucks. I am not disciplined enough to go to sleep early, and so am normally lacking 3 hours sleep and just go about my day trying to look normal. I feel a deep emptiness inside that I try to fill with food and drugs. I realised that I have no real friends. Life is lonely, and feels pointless.
Am I a manic depressive? Anyway, I sure hope that I win a trophy for the "New Blogger of the Year" award.
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1 comment:
I hate it when people avoid other people on the phone. I mean, just say it to their face! I'm fed up of making excuses for people at work... 'He's engaged/she's away from her desk/she's left for the day/he's in a meeting'. Obviously, whenever I hear any of these phrases, I assume that the person whom I'm trying to contact is avoiding me.
And please, cheer up!!!!
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